Friday, April 2, 2010

Bluebird Grain Crudo

Many of you know that I'm a 12 year hiding in an older woman's body which means that April Fool's Day is like my personal Christmas. I can barely sleep the night before and I put out cookies and milk in hopes that the biggest most gullible Santa Fool will slide down my chimney.

Here's the set-up: I develop recipes for Bluebird Grain Farms located in the Methow Valley. My recipes are due on the first of the month.

Meet the victims: Brooke and Sam Lucy. They grow an incredible product and one that is hard to find locally - organic wheat, emmer and rye, which they also mill into beautiful, healthful flours.

Here is the recipe I sent them on 4/1/10

Bluebird Grain Crudo

You'll need to lay down some plastic wrap all around your dining room before serving this delectable dish. Provide lots of water to drink.

Serves 10

1 tablespoon emmer flour
1/2 cup hard white wheat flour
2 tablespoons soft white wheat flour
1 tablespoon potlatch mix, ground in a spice grinder to a flour
salt, to taste

Mix all flours together in a large bowl. Season to taste and transfer, via funnel, to individual pixie sticks. Gather your friends around the table and enjoy this unique way to experience locally grown and milled flour, in the most pure way possible; the way Mother Nature intended.

Turns out that Brooke was only duped for a second and didn't make for a very good Santa Fool. She quipped to me that she sent the recipe on to the best new farm blends for your pet pig. As if a pig could appreciate my molecular pixie flour powder! The NERVE!

All this practical joking got me thinking about previous pranks played and before long my brain settled on a particularly ripe one back in college. A good friend of ours - we'll call her Claire - is a lovable, slightly naive young woman who relished our attention in the form of good natured teasing. My roommate - we'll call her Carrie - had a brilliant idea to take a photo of Claire, blow it up and write in large letters: MISSING! Responds to the name Claire. If found, please call 555-5555 (Claire's number).

We posted those missing signs EVERYWHERE -- in bathrooms, on trees, in dorms, outside of classrooms and rec halls. Our college campus had about 2000 people, large enough so we didn't all know each other, but small enough that we had all seen each other. For the next 2 days everywhere Claire went people would say "Hey, THERE you are!" or "Where WERE you??" or "Did you know you were MISSING?" And along with the verbal greetings, Claire's phone was ringing off the hook with people calling to say they had seen her. Claire lived 2 doors down from us and we could hear her shrieking dramatically into the phone "I'M CLAIRE! I'M NOT LOST!" One would think she'd just take the phone off the hook, but Claire - she was loving the attention and every time her phone rang, Carrie and I would bust out laughing 2 doors down. There were other pranks played, mostly on Claire and she survived the hazing. We are still good friends to this day. I'm sure she'll love this entry.

Here are some of the real recipes I've developed for Bluebird Grain Farms:

Cinnamon-orange bread
Potlatch cakes with cherry tomato-fig salsa
Borscht with wheatberries

And here is Claire's telephone number: 555-555-5555. Tell her you are so very glad she was found.


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