Friday, April 2, 2010

Bluebird Grain Crudo

Many of you know that I'm a 12 year hiding in an older woman's body which means that April Fool's Day is like my personal Christmas. I can barely sleep the night before and I put out cookies and milk in hopes that the biggest most gullible Santa Fool will slide down my chimney.

Here's the set-up: I develop recipes for Bluebird Grain Farms located in the Methow Valley. My recipes are due on the first of the month.

Meet the victims: Brooke and Sam Lucy. They grow an incredible product and one that is hard to find locally - organic wheat, emmer and rye, which they also mill into beautiful, healthful flours.

Here is the recipe I sent them on 4/1/10

Bluebird Grain Crudo

You'll need to lay down some plastic wrap all around your dining room before serving this delectable dish. Provide lots of water to drink.

Serves 10

1 tablespoon emmer flour
1/2 cup hard white wheat flour
2 tablespoons soft white wheat flour
1 tablespoon potlatch mix, ground in a spice grinder to a flour
salt, to taste

Mix all flours together in a large bowl. Season to taste and transfer, via funnel, to individual pixie sticks. Gather your friends around the table and enjoy this unique way to experience locally grown and milled flour, in the most pure way possible; the way Mother Nature intended.

Turns out that Brooke was only duped for a second and didn't make for a very good Santa Fool. She quipped to me that she sent the recipe on to the best new farm blends for your pet pig. As if a pig could appreciate my molecular pixie flour powder! The NERVE!

All this practical joking got me thinking about previous pranks played and before long my brain settled on a particularly ripe one back in college. A good friend of ours - we'll call her Claire - is a lovable, slightly naive young woman who relished our attention in the form of good natured teasing. My roommate - we'll call her Carrie - had a brilliant idea to take a photo of Claire, blow it up and write in large letters: MISSING! Responds to the name Claire. If found, please call 555-5555 (Claire's number).

We posted those missing signs EVERYWHERE -- in bathrooms, on trees, in dorms, outside of classrooms and rec halls. Our college campus had about 2000 people, large enough so we didn't all know each other, but small enough that we had all seen each other. For the next 2 days everywhere Claire went people would say "Hey, THERE you are!" or "Where WERE you??" or "Did you know you were MISSING?" And along with the verbal greetings, Claire's phone was ringing off the hook with people calling to say they had seen her. Claire lived 2 doors down from us and we could hear her shrieking dramatically into the phone "I'M CLAIRE! I'M NOT LOST!" One would think she'd just take the phone off the hook, but Claire - she was loving the attention and every time her phone rang, Carrie and I would bust out laughing 2 doors down. There were other pranks played, mostly on Claire and she survived the hazing. We are still good friends to this day. I'm sure she'll love this entry.

Here are some of the real recipes I've developed for Bluebird Grain Farms:

Cinnamon-orange bread
Potlatch cakes with cherry tomato-fig salsa
Borscht with wheatberries

And here is Claire's telephone number: 555-555-5555. Tell her you are so very glad she was found.


Vivian said...

You are a woman after my own heart :)
In college I kidnapped a friends teddy bear named of course, Teddy and held Teddy hostage for 3 days demanding a ransom of 10 chocolate bars. I posted photos of the bear tied up in a chair on the doors of the student union and all across campus.

My favorite prank was when I introduced my sis to a shot known as "The Cement Mixer" which consisted of equal parts Bailey's Irish Cream and Rose's Lime Juice. Pour both into a shot glass, shoot into mouth and swish for ten seconds and supposedly swallow :) The look on her face when the whole thing soured and jelled was hilarious! Hope this was the type of thing you were looking for :)

Lucky Girl said...

what a hilarious april fool's joke! thanks for the laugh!

divasuncorked88 said...

I work for a small non-profit human services agency. April Fools day has traditionally been a BIG day there, including slugs in a desk pencil drawer (wish that one was mine).
Six weeks ago I decided that 3 of our production staff who share an office needed some "Femmification". These guys are manly men so I thought about an office beautification project - Pink paint! I went to our local paint store and found a gallon of returned pink. I asked the lady working to "ugly it up" a bit. She was happy to oblige.

On the 31st we, (3 staff I work with) waited for the production staff to leave which is usually 2:30. That day there were a few stragglers, but we decided since the principle targets had left we should begin. We started by taking "before" pictures. Then we stripped the walls of everything we could. Then came the paint. Two of the ladies started painting with small rollers and I came along behind and painted the trim areas, around computers etc. The production manager came by and saw what we were doing and said he loved it and only wished he was in on it himself. The QA person came by and exclaimed, "Do they know you're doing this?" Of course not! I threatened her silence with the biggest frog I could find at PetCo. (She's afraid of frogs) After a heavy coat of paint, no time for a proper 2 coats, we started getting things back up on the walls. Then we finished the room off with a few extra embellishments, namely Disney Princess crap. We put up balloons, stickers, shiny hanging things, and a banner over the doorway. The others left and I cleaned up.

The next morning while I was at the gym I had a silent chuckle at about 6:00 because at that moment the discovery would be made by the proud owners of the "new" office. When I arrived at 7:00 I was immediately questioned by a production staff who asked to see my hands. "Why?" I innocently asked. "I'm looking for pink paint, have you seen Larry's office?" So I had to go look, and of course I laughed myself silly. Larry came up to me and gave me the "eye" and I asked him if he picked the color out all by himself. He actually thought it was a brilliant joke and kept commenting on how "good" the perp was. He and office mate Steve tried to "CSI" the identity. They looked in all the garbage cans and went dumpster diving for evidence. They even looked for pink drips and prints on the floor that might lead them to the perps office. Larry said, "Man this guy is good, he took the time to take everything down, let it dry and put it all back up, and he must have cleaned up everything and took it with him because we can't find anything!" By mid morning most of the staff in the agency had heard about the new "Disney Princess Office" and came by to see it. Larry, Steve, and Tim were being very good sports about the whole thing. They left the banner up on the doorway and even loaded the Disney Princess screensavers onto their computers. Then I heard that Larry was offering a reward (restaurant gift card) for any information leading to the identity of the perp. There was one little thing that could lead them to me, the security tape. When I left the building Wednesday evening I carried the can of paint out without concealing it in a bag. I had a very nice chat with the manager who is in charge of the security tapes and she thought it was possible that an April Foolish thing could happen to the tape. So the joke was played, who knows how long it will last. I suppose until those guys have the time to repaint. In the meantime, I am thinking the joke can go on for quite some time. I think some nice curtains, wallpaper border, and some plastic tiaras could just "show up" every couple of weeks.


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