Cookbook Title FAIL

The problem with getting blog inspiration from self-deprecating personal disasters (see the tart story from 2 weeks ago) is that if you have a pretty good string of days, where total humiliation has eluded you, you might find yourself lacking in material. And when I say you, I mean me. Some people call it writer's block. You could call it Blogger's Block but that sounds dumb, so we won't. And when I say we, I mean you.

So it was within this context of feeling the brain freeze of writer's block, that this post was born. Ironically, while my brain chilled, it hit 103 degrees in Seattle, breaking all previous record highs here, ever. EVER. Seattle-ites hazily stumbled around in moist, cotton-sticking t-shirts mumbling about Otter pops and air-conditioning or the lack thereof. Mostly the lack thereof.

With no material, no inspiration and an elevated core body temperature, I let the compressed molten air shove me forward into a freezing cold wi-fi cafe where I set up my computer. I was heat-adled and fuzzy, hell-bent on finding something, anything to write about. It took an hour in the artificial chiller for me to trip over inspiration.

I kid you not. This one above is the real deal. Wow.

What if you could play a word game with some of your favorite writers? Wouldn't that be cool? Wouldn't that be grand? I posed (on Twitter) to a sea of food writers and food lovers a word game of sorts. The name of the game was: Failed Cookbook Titles

That was it. There were no rules.

Some played off of existing cookbook titles. Others just made up their own. Either way, I soon found myself laughing, at first quietly to myself, then a little snort would sneak out, later a guffaw and finally I had to use my hand as a self-muzzle to prevent embarrassing noise explosions.

Behold, below, the artistry and creativity of some of my Twitter friends. If you find that you must join this crazy community I've become a part of, please do (or run, screaming, now).

Here were mine*

*but, first, a word to my family (who reads my blog) you see, sometimes I can be a little, uh, dirty? Is that the right word? Yes, that probably is the right word. And, uh, sometimes I appreciate the dirty humor of some of my friends. So, feel free to go do something else if your image of me will be forever tarnished. Oh wait, it probably was long ago tarnished. So, in that case, shit, go ahead and read away and add your failed cookbook titles!

@chefreinvented

"The Anorexic's Pantry"
"The Ins and Outs of Aspic Cookery"
"The Art of Eating Out" by M.F.K. Fisher
"Vegan Cooking for a Few People"
"An ass-ton of butter, a shit-load of cream: Lite recipes from my kitchen to yours" by Ina Garten

And here are a sampling of some of my favorites. To see them all, do a search on Twitter for #failedcookbooktitles.

@RebekahDenn chimed in with the classic book "Tender at the Bone: Donner Party Dinner Recipies"

@Podchef with a title for rural youngsters "How to kill and cook your 4-H pet"

@Voraciousgirl mentioned the lesser known title from the famous restaurant "Dirty French Laundry"

@lferroni shows us that one person's umami is another person's "Hot, Sour, Salty, Sweat!"

@sensitivepantry with that down-home favorite "Nascar's Cookin' on Your Hemi!"

@edibleseattle and @berry_k noted the British interpretation of the original title "Fanny Farmer Cookbook" A fanny farmer indeed!


@katflynn delighted us with several offerings, including these sure bet IACP winners:

"A Great Rack: Top Italian recipes for lamb, beef and pork rib cuts" by Giada DeLaurentius
"No Way You'll Ever Cook This Stuff: Overly Complicated Recipes With Lots of Glossy Photos by (insert celebrity name)"
"The Man Who Ate Nothing"

@MarcSeattle wins in the x-rated failed cookbook title category with:

"Salt-Licked Beaver and Other Wild Game Recipes"
"The Frugal Gourmet: Touching is Free"
"The Bearded Clam : Sustainable Seafood for Today's Conscientious Cook"

@glutenfreegirl was the people's favorite, showing a smuttier side of her personality with:

"Anthony Bourdains Les Whores"
"Charlie Trotter's Meat"
"The Chef in My Pants"
"Sunday Orgies at Lucques"
"Chez Panisse Vegetable Sex Toys"
"Mastering the Art of French Kissing, Volume 2"

@wrightfood penned the racy tome "Cucumbers: Beyond Salads for the Single Home Cook"

@kittenwithawhip with the Ithaca, NY's famous "The Mooseturd Cookbook" and sure to go into paperback, "Staff meal at Wendy's"



@pnwcheese chimed in with a frightening tome "Seitan for the Holidays"

@mamster with the Donner-party esque "Feast on Nigella Lawson"

Here is where I leave it up to you to join in the game.

If you wish.
If you dare.

Until next game.